Brothers Are as Limbs

There is a tale in the Sanguo Yanyi which tells of Zhang Fei, sworn brother to Liu Bei, a distant relative of the Imperial family. Zhang Fei was a mighty warrior taken to drinking and bouts of violence, and one such occasion when he was entrusted with the protection of his oath-brother's capital, Xuzhou, he became particularly inebriated. It was on this night that Lü Bu, a rival of Liu Bei, seized his opportunity to invade Xuzhou and take it by force. The city lost, Zhang Fei prepared to take his own life when Liu Bei stayed his sword and said to him:

"There's an old saying, 'Brothers are like arms and legs; wives and children are merely garments that can always be mended. But who can mend a broken limb?' We three swore in the peach garden to die together however fate might keep us apart in life. Now despite the loss of city and family, do you think I could let death part us midway in our course? In any event, [...] my family can still be rescued. I will not let you throw away your life, good brother, for this momentary slip." (Roberts, 243)

The ancient Chinese had a strong sense of filial piety. It was a belief strongly supported by the teachings of Confucius and later his disciples, including Mencius, whose book remained (until the 20th Century) to be one of the four classics of philosophy which students had to memorize character-for-character. Chinese philosophers argued that a man had five possible "relationships" in this world above all others. These were (1) the bond between lord and vassal; (2) the bond between man and wife; (3) the bond between father and son; (4) the bond between elder and younger brothers; and (5) the bond between friends. Although there is a great respect for women in Chinese culture, this quote serves as one of many examples of the Chinese belief that filial piety should come before devotion to one's spouse. In other words, the Chinese were the originators of the saying, "Bros before hos."

There is another story in the Sanguo Yanyi which tells of Liu An, a hunter who butchers his wife in order to offer Liu Bei a meal replete with meat. When Liu Bei discovers the body of a woman in the kitchen, bloody, her arms missing, it is written that "he realized what he had eaten and tears of gratitude streamed from his eyes." Doubtless, this is a grizly tale which goes a little too far (in my Western, 21st-century thinking), but the message is clearly the same: fealty to one's lord comes before the loving relationship one has with one's spouse.

I don't know whether or not I ought to agree with Luo Guanzhong. Do "bros" really come before "hos"? Can there be any relationship more powerful, pure, and awesome than that with one's soulmate? A cursory glance at the novel will show that Chinese men did indeed love their wives, but that most men of nobility had several wives, and that there are a few characters throughout the book who value their favorite concubine over their principal wife. This seems to suggest that, in many cases, the relationships between men and women were more sexual than they were spiritual. If this assumption is correct, it would well explain why the warlords shed more tears for their fallen generals and advisors than for their wives and children; but I think the assumption is very unfair and that further research is warranted before we can even claim to have formed a valid conclusion on the nature of Chinese married couples in the 3rd Century A.D.

Still, there is something very inspiring about reading this book, and among its many arguments, this is one that stands out in my mind. Seeing men shed such tears for fallen generals, seeing them so genuinely distraught over the loss of their former masters or vassals, it makes for very powerful "boys' reading." Seeing them be so casual over the potential (or fully-realized!) loss of wives and children makes me raise many an eyebrow, though.

And with that said, I leave you with this.